Leap 4 Love

2004 July 21

1. My doctor told me I could quit breastfeeding.

2. My breasts don't make enough milk.

3. Other family members want to bond with my child, too.

4. What do you think I am, a cow?

5. It will make my breasts sag.

6. I don't want to be tied down.

7. My child is too needy.

8. They don't really need it after they can eat solids.

9. My career would suffer.

10. My nipples hurt.

11. I don't have time.

12. I was bottle-fed and I'm all right.

13. The risks of death, injury, and arrested development are negligible.

14. I need time away from my child.

15. My own breast-milk might be contaminated.

16. I need my sleep.

17. I'm embarrassed if anyone sees me breastfeeding.
18. It's too sexual.
19. My child prefers the bottle.

20. My child cannot tolerate the lactose in my breast-milk.

21. I'm too weak.

22. I have my rights and needs, too.

23. I'm not very healthy.

24. I got free infant formula samples from my doctor.

25. My family isn't supportive.

26. My boobs are too small.

27. I'm not the earth-mother type.

28. I don't want my child to be too dependent.

29. It's child abuse with an older child.

30. The social pressure is too much.

31. I had to wean the child in order to focus instead on our new baby.

32. I have twins.

33. I don't want to make my boy into a pervert.

34. I don't want to make my girl into a lesbian.

35. I'm trying to lose fat.

36. It's good for babies to learn to calm themselves.

37. The sooner my child learns independence, the better.

38. My child needs extra sucking on a dummy (pacifier) in addition to getting liquids.

39. It doesn't come naturally to me.

40. Why should I waste money on a lactation consultant?

41. I can't afford a lactation consultant.

42. My paediatrician didn't mention anything about a lactation consultant.

43. It feels too stimulating on my breasts.

44. My man wants my breasts for himself.

45. My child bites.

46. It's obvious that a baby with teeth should be weaned.

47. It's too primitive and animal-like.

48. Women should be liberated now.

49. Quit pressuring me, and let me be free to decide.

50. I leak.

51. I'm no slave.

52. My breasts get too heavy.

53. I don't want to try because then it will be harder to quit.

54. I had a cesarean.

55. My child would suckle into adulthood if I allowed it.

56. It's too late to go back to breastfeeding my child.

57. I adopted.

58. My child was premature.

59. My child just needs to cry sometimes.

60. It's not part of my culture.

61. I'm more of an intellectual.

62. There's no child care where I work, so I must bottle-feed.

63. My child does cry for me, but then gets over it.

64. My child isn't that bonded to me.

65. I'm not a home-body.

66. I can't nurse and drive at the same time.

67. I don't want my man to think he can get off easy--and not do his share of the feeding.

68. Love can be expressed just as well in other ways.

69. Let's not go to extremes.

70. I don't remember any trauma about being bottle-fed myself.

71. That's just how the unfortunates have to live in the Third World.

72. I don't want my child interfering with my sex life.

73. Studies show that child care is good for kids.

74. Some women simply can't breastfeed.

75. The father is going to take our child for a few days.

76. Our child needs both parents working to keep up our standard of living.

77. My milk is too thin and watery.

78. My child balks at suckling.

79. I'm just a teen-age mum, not ready for so much responsibility.

80. Breastfeeding is too difficult.

81. No one showed me how.

82. Infant formulas are improving all the time.

83. My child's grandparent offered to bottle-feed.

84. I get free infant formula from the government.

85. I get free infant formula from charity.

86. The human species is evolving away from all that.

87. Too much of a good thing will spoil a child.

88. My child is doing fine without it.

89. I want to drink alcohol.

90. I want to smoke.

91. I want to use hard drugs.

92. I want to eat sick food.

93. I can't afford to eat healthy food.

94. But the experts say my child will be fine either way.

95. It's disgusting.

96. I did it longer than average.

97. It's none of your business.

98. I get so much conflicting advice.

99. I just want to try both ways.

100. I don't want my child controlling me.

101. I look up to the people in the rich countries who are more modern than us in poor countries.

102. It's not glamorous.

103. I'm a professional.

104. I'll just do it how everyone else does.

105. It's boring.

106. They bottle-feed on Sesame Street.

107. Seeing me breastfeed makes my husband too horny.

108. Seeing me breastfeed makes my other child jealous.

109. It gives me nasty thoughts.

110. I'm too depressed.

111. I'm too angry.

112. They say I'm not a good mother.

113. Who's going to mother me?

114. That was just a hippie fad.

115. I like to figure things out for myself.

116. The Bible doesn't say I should.

117. My religion doesn't say I should.

118. God didn't tell me I should.

119. I don't want to be in any breastfeeding cult.

120. My child wants to be independent of me.

121. I can't get comfortable while breastfeeding.

122. My child doesn't mind either way.

123. I don't want to read all those books.

124. My child sleeps better with bottle-feeding.

125. With bottle-feeding, I know my child is getting enough milk.

126. My child needs extra liquid from a bottle in addition to being breastfed.

127. The trend now is away from breastfeeding.

128. The laws leave it up to me to choose.

129. No children around here died from lack of it.

130. It's too frustrating for my child.

131. I'm doing as well as I can.

132. It'll just have to do.

133. Don't blow this all out of proportion.

134. You just want to control me.

135. What if you're wrong?

136. I'm no witch.

137. Lighten up.

138. I'm not politically correct.

139. I don't want to turn into a lesbian.

140. I don't want to make my son gay.

141. It would be too sexually stimulating for my child.

142. They need more nutrition than just breast-milk.

144. Other children would tease my child.

145. I don't have that much to give.

146. I'm more reserved.

147. I didn't really want this child.

148. I want a life.

149. I want my child to advance and to mature quickly.

150. Don't get so fixated on one thing.

151. The baby magazines made me feel less guilty about bottle-feeding.

152. Aren't all these modern gadgets great?

153. I have terrible mood swings.

154. I never thought it would be this hard.

155. I don't have a nursing bra.

156. I might give up my child for adoption.

157. I might lose custody of my child.

158. It will be easier for my child (and for me) to never breastfeed than to have to switch to bottle-feeding later.

159. Don't try to guilt me.

160. If it's so dangerous, why is infant formula legal and available without prescription?

161. Humans get along just fine on less-than-optimal nutrition.

162. My child is too fussy.

163. I just don't want to.

164. You just like to criticize me and think you're superior.

165. It's a cold, hard world and my child better get used to it.

166. I get subsidized child care.

167. I'm confused.

168. I'd rather play it cautious.

169. My child's suck is weak.

170. I don't want to over-tire my child.

171. I'm not a perfectionist.

172. I don't want people to think that I consider myself superior to them.

173. It's not convenient with the fashions I wear.

174. I'll do better with my next child.

175. My child will love me just as much either way.

176. God will lead me in the right way.

177. God will save us.

178. We'll be lucky and survive without a scratch.

179. Breastfeeding mothers are a snooty bunch.

180. Breastfeeding is a just a White, middle-class thing in this country.

181. My child loves the dummy (pacifier).

182. I know better.

183. I can't afford to stay home.

184. Suckling seems yucky.

185. Babies have to learn to be tough.

186. I want my breasts back.

187. I need sleep.

188. I love trying out new, experimental technology on my children and myself.

189. Baby is cramping my style.

190. I want to smoke.

End of article # 3, "Mistaken, bad excuses for rejecting various aspects of Breast-right".

Article # 4.

Restore mothers' custody rights

2005 April 9.

Which comes first, enough breastfeeding in society or the leadership of mothers?

We must once again recognize mothers as the natural custodians of children. Some feminists mistakenly saw their liberation as getting men to shoulder half the time and effort of childcare and housework. However, that didn't happen, nor is it likely. It is not the ideal, anyway, given male and female natures.

What's happened, with the trend toward "equal" parenting, is that men, generally, still holding the financial and political advantage, have simply taken the prestige of parenting, and some of the fun parts of the parenting, without ever doing much of the day-to-day work.

A father's custody, shared custody, or threatened custody of his children became, not a way to love them more, but a way to control them and, even more, to control the mother. After a split with the mother, if he wants custody, he usually wins it. (Mothers have custody more often than fathers only because dads often don't try to win it. See Mothers on Trial by Phyllis Chesler (click on Other books, upper left).

A father with custody usually gets another woman to do most of the actual childcare and housework he doesn't want to do. That could be his new wife or love-partner, or his mother or sister.

Of course, most of us know exceptions to that, but that's the general truth.

The feminist movement toward equal parenting, whether idealistic or strategic, is a failure. It will fail because of our physical nature.

The old feminist ideal, "equal as much as possible within our physical natures", is true. Those natures, however, haven't been understood properly by most. I believe our nature is that women can choose to become pregnant, choose to continue the pregnancy or not, give birth, breastfeed until the child is near puberty, and be the main protector and custodian of the child until the child weans itself and asserts independence. That is, until the youth is mature enough and is willing and able to assert a different choice.
Courts, especially male-dominated courts in our patriarchal society, must stop interfering with maternal rights. The courts and government agencies, with their ignorance and their bias in favour of men, often mistreat and torture children. The goal should not be to get the courts to treat men and women equally, but to recognize human nature and to apply it to particular cases.

Before breast-milk substitutes became so popular, there was a legal principle known as "the tender years doctrine". That doctrine wasn't always applied, but it said that mothers were to have priority for custody of children "of tender years", that is, at least until a child was old enough to be separated from their mother. In those days, children were much more "bonded" to their mothers, in large part because of suckling. In plain terms, since breastfeeding is love, there was more love. Also, back then, a child's desire to stay with their mother was respected by that doctrine. Furthermore, back then, far fewer women smoked, drank alcohol, or took illegal drugs, so they were more loving to their kids.

Now that we know that breastfeeding is necessary for 5 or 10 years or so for each child (see _______________ ), we must enable mothers to resume that natural role.

We must overhaul our entire political and economic systems. That will bring true liberation of women, men, and children.

It will be argued that in some cases, the father is obviously the "better" parent. He might be nicer, more responsible, more sober, etc. but he cannot replace the mother unless he breastfeeds! Then the argument says that a non-breastfeeding father obviously should be given custody over a totally irresponsible non-breastfeeding mother who, let's say for argument, is a heroin addict.

If those were our only 2 choices, that might be true. However, as is so often the case in controversies, people unnecessarily limit the options to 2.

Our ancient nomadic ancestors weren't so stupid. They had more remedies. They shared parenting among many other family members. Even the death of a mother would not necessarily stop them from continuing to breastfeed and otherwise caring for her children. Why should we give up so easily on breastfeeding when they didn't? Artificial feeding should not be an option for us any more than for them. We have regressed as a species in that regard. We must go back to our previous superior practices. The women of a community or tribe, as a group, must once again be in charge of the children.

The male relatives and tribespeople can help and advise, of course, but should care for children under the supervision and control of the women. We men must not be entrusted with that full responsibility. It's not in our nature. We're too apt to neglect and mistreat children, by nature, especially in this transition period of history, since almost all of us were mistreated ourselves. We tend to pass the mistreatment on to the next generation even more than the women do. That's because they get more healing when they give birth and breastfeed.

If it were a woman writing this, she might be suspected of being a man-hater. As a man, I hope to convince you that a mother breastfeeding has more natural hormones and instincts to protect her children than we do. Therefore, to stop the neglect and torture that most children in Western Culture experience daily, let's overcome our anger at mothers and let them have a chance again to save the human race.

To make the needed changes, as long as our society rotates around money, let's let women control half the money, at least. They control only about 1/3 of it in the USA, I think. Political and economic power, too! They must comprise half of every legislature, executive council, city council, court, board of directors, etc.

How will they have time if they're breast-loving so much? As the matriarchs of old did, they will suckle while doing everything else, that is, while attending class, while physically labouring, while supervising work, while legislating, etc.

With economic and political equality, women would be able to do what they all seem to want to do: have the option of having children without having to ruin their finances and/or their careers if they do.

The central African country of Rwanda is recovering from its horrible civil war of 1994. Under their new constitution, the women, who were less engaged in the fighting, and who survived in greater numbers, are rushing in to fill the power vacuum of all the dead men. When the men were dominant in their very patriarchal society there, they led some of the worst attempted genocides in the last century. The joyous news now is that the national legislature has the highest percentage of women that any modern country has ever had in the world: 48.75%.

With that achievement, they are putting the rest of us to shame. Why has no modern country ever achieved 50%? Because sexism still very much dominates. Every male national leader should hang his head in shame and promise to share the power. Each of them should be nominating and assisting enough female candidates so that their own political party, at least, has as many women as men elected to each governmental body.

I believe that women generally have a natural, physical capability to perform their role, not just to give birth and breastfeed, but to be the most loving political leaders of each tribe, community, and nation. That will be difficult until women resume the breastfeeding part because without it, men are angry enough to withhold honouring and respecting women in their natural role. It's a dilemma, though, (a "catch-22") that it's hard to achieve one without the other first. Women can try to leap over the dilemma by playing their proper role as much as possible. We men can try to get healed from our lack of breastfeeding enough to allow women to lead us again.

End of article # 4, "Restore mothers' custody rights".

Article # 5.

Anyone can negotiate with a baby

Revised 2004 August 3.

In 2000, I successfully negotiated with a 2-year-old acquaintance.

Returning home one evening, I bummed a ride with a couple I know. Their daughter was alone in a car-seat in the middle of the back seat in a very small car. I had to sit next to her on the right. She didn't seem to remember me. I tried to be friendly.

Nevertheless, she said to her parents in a matter-of-fact tone, "I don't want him in our house."

Mother said to her that I wasn't in their HOUSE, I was in their CAR.

Baby soon repeated her comment unchanged.

I felt a bit uncomfortable towering over a person who seemed to feel I was violating her "personal space". Her parents tried to reassure her that I was someone they knew and hence not someone to fear.

Baby again repeated her comment unchanged.

Our 8-kilometer trip was not yet half over. I decided to act out a remedy the baby might accept. I told her that I would move away from her. Keeping on my seat belt, I leaned over and inserted my head between the right front seat and the inside right body of the car. I looked odd, but was comfortable enough.

The parents were apologetic, but I explained how I preferred to try to reach an accommodation directly with the child. I respected her feelings, even at her age.
Baby complained no more.

End of article # 5, "Anyone can negotiate with a baby".

Article # 6. Boycott WHO Code violators: Nestle products, American Home Products, and London Drugs.

Around 1995.

   In all countries, breastmilk substitutes ("formula"), baby bottles, and dummies (pacifiers) kill children. The number is at least 1 500 000 each year, according to the World Health Organisation (W.H.O.), a branch of the United Nations. The above companies are among the worst, making millions by assuring parents and health workers that those deadly concoctions and gadgets are all right. Nearly all governments, too, are guilty by allowing Code violations to be legal and widespread.
   The death rate is higher in poorer countries, but the substitutes are safe nowhere.
   The W.H.O. Code calls for limits on the blatant (and subtly deceptive) advertising and promotions for breastmilk substitutes. Breast-right infers that there is no acceptable or safe substitute for breastmilk or Breast-love.
   Almost all women who believe they cannot succeed at Breast-love actually can--with facts and help. Often, to their surprize, they love it. Suckling prevents cancer in mother, too.
   Any use of replacements (even occasional or emergency) risks death, disease, disability, injury, and alienation. Replacements thwart the mother-child relationship, weakening or breaking the natural bonds of love and trust between children and partnets. Also, dad is misled into thinking he can "bond" with children by bottle-feeding them.
   The products also prompt emotional "denial" of their harm, especially in families which survive Breast-right substitutes.
   Please join the new and re-newed organized boycotts now!

End of article # 6, "Boycott WHO Code violators".

Article # 7. Mothers: Breast-love benefits both your child and you

2003.

There is hardly a more sensitive topic in our society. Most people, I find, are not ready to listen open-mindedly to what I hold to be urgent, necessary remedies to our society's dysfunctions. Sometimes I'm accused of being wrong on this because I'm a man. Many wise women, however, are promoting the same ideas.
Many people mistakenly think that breast-love can be a painful, boring, exhausting sacrifice that a mother such as you makes for your child's sake. Incorrect breastfeeding can be like that, yes, but that is an alarm bell to get qualified help.

   "Nature" rewards you breast-loving mothers in order to ensure that you suckle enough and properly. In other words, DONE CORRECTLY, breast-love benefits both you, the mother, and your child:

   1. Breastfeeding is not only painless, it is physically pleasurable, like receiving hugs, kisses, caresses, and massage, along with loving gazes. It is being in love. It's how a child can learn to love, if lucky enough to be fully and naturally suckled. That's the only way Nature teaches us complete, life-long love.
   2. Nothing but full and natural breast-love can trigger your healthy hormonal responses you need to be fully happy and healthy as a mother. Almost always, your emotions thus will be natural, happy, stable, and loving, unlike the bottle-feeder or the mother who breastfeeds improperly (such as with a poor position), who is more likely to

a. Develop so-called post-partum depression, emotional detachment, or resentment, which can last as long as a lifetime;
b. Compensate by adopting dysfunctional behaviours, such as buying things and services for her child;

c. Be alienated from her child, more or less, as are almost all mothers in Western society.

3. You are happier simply knowing that you are naturally loving your child, who is also happier and healthier.
4. According to studies, failing to breastfeed one or more children a total of at least 9 years, a woman risks developing breast cancer.

   5. Breast-love visibly reassures your whole family that you and your child are progressing. Let them all sleep instead of listening to your inconsolable child crying--feeling abandoned, misunderstood, or even tortured. Instead, it's natural for your child to suckle all night, off and on, while you both drift in and out of sleep. Crying usually means you should have breastfed several minutes earlier when the child first started giving you subtle (quieter) cues that it wanted to suckle.
   6. Save your money. Please don't buy or accept baby bottles, dummies (pacifiers), or breastmilk substitutes. They can dangerously tempt you and make you feel inadequate. Overall, save further on health care and sick time all your lives, since you and your child are healthier.
   7. By forgoing artificial feeding supplies, you reduce humanity's assault on our environment.

8. Help heal your own dysfunctionality from your childhood when you were probably breast-loved too little, if at all. Also, save society from the dysfunctional political and commercial actions of one more insufficiently breastfed person: your adult-to-be, if not properly breastfed now.

9. Help avoid for yourself and your child: indigestion, obesity, eating disorders, diabetes, emotional detachment, drug addiction, and insanity. Help avoid for your child: nipple confusion, autism, ear infections, allergies, poor vision, tooth decay, crib death, malnutrition (severe or so mild you don't notice), reduced immune function, and inadequate brain development.

10. Avoid poisoning and severe malnutrition from formulation errors in breastmilk substitutes and chemicals in feeding implements.
11. Contrary to myth, your breasts will better retain their shape with complete and natural breastfeeding. Gradual weaning is key.

12. Your child is less likely to rebel, even in the teenage years. By creating a closer bond with your child, she or he is more likely to be a joy and a help to you all your life. Since breast-love is required for your child's brain to develop properly, your breast-loved child will be more intelligent, as well as more emotionally stable.

We live in an anti-breast-right, anti-child, anti-woman, anti-mother, anti-parent, anti-family, and anti-human culture. You need people around you who are exceptions. Generally, doctors and nurses are ignorant about, or hostile to, the full range of natural breast-love behaviour, though they try to hide that. Many who are not breastfeeding experts nevertheless present themselves as such.

You need a competent lactation consultant or self-help group so you can avoid the perplexing, distressing, and subtle pitfalls. See first article above.

End of article # 7, "Mothers: Breast-love benefits both your child and you".

Article # 8. Flat tax on breast implants; men's and women's breast hang-ups

2006 February 20.

A society that restricts breastfeeding as much as ours does is naturally going to create many men and women with life-long breast hang-ups.

The ultimate universal cure is for everyone is not to buy artificial breasts, but to have had a real relationship with real breasts based on their real, natural function: mother-child bonding. Then later, as adults, they will feel like ensuring that all children are breast-loved, not over-emphasize breasts in adult sexuality and social status.
In the short run, we need public education about Breast-right and about the dangers of implants: medical, physical, social, psychological, and political dangers.

And maybe a 200% tax on implants-- a "flat" tax. (I'm half joking!)

Size matters

But why is the size and shape of breasts such a concern, as opposed to such other aspects as colour, texture, milk flow, etc.? I've concluded that the size question includes comparative size, shape, and sight.

The average lactating breast is nearly as big as a baby's head. (On an obese mother, even larger.) Such a breast looks fuller and droops less than the average non-lactating adult breast.

The average breast with an implant is nearly as big as a man's head. An under-breastfed man's emotional development is arrested to a large extent at the baby stage. He unconsciously longs to be a baby again sucking on something close to the size of his own head, preferably with his comparatively little hands around it, too.

Not being a woman, I'm less sure of her psychology. Perhaps she also likes to have large breasts in order to look at them and feel them--and unconsciously to long to suck something of that comparative size. Or she might simply enjoy being attractive to adults--and there are few men or women around who were breastfed enough.

Evidence shows that our species has not only a need to suckle but to see breasts. Children who do not see bare breasts often enough won't suckle enough. They aren't reminded to do so enough by the sight of breasts.

One child, when his mother denied him a chance to suckle because they were on a crowded bus said, "Then can I just look at them?"

Thus the movement for bare breasts connects Breast-right with Nude-peace. See also Part 3, Nude-peace.

End of Article # 8, Flat tax on breast implants.